Visitors :)

Posted on 9/18/2010 11:34:00 PM In: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Today, I surfed with Mauli Ola.
Oh, how I have missed that bunch of people.
Those group of cool loving, whole-hearted surfers.
I seriously, legitly (is that a word?) love them.
With all of my heart.

Surfing, is my love.
Mauli Ola gave that to me.
My lung function is in the 90%'s.
Am I really going to say that surfing hasn't played a HUGE part in making me healthy?
Sinus surgery - COMPLETELY avoided.
In fact, my sinus doctor said my nose wasn't even RED or SWOLLEN.
That hasn't, ever.

I miss Emily Haager.
So much.
& that is all.

That is not all.
I've been thinking about her nonstop.
Playing movies through my head,
picturing the pain she went through.
The muscle degeneration,
the lack of respiratory therapy,
the tracheotomy.
the code blues.
the 8 minutes of CPR.

I'm so sick of it.
Everything i think about seems to have to do with cystic fibrosis.
cystic fibrosis.
all the time,
cystic fibrosis.

I confronted my world history honors teacher about it, so he knew why I might be absent a lot, in the case that I may get sick again this year.
As you all know, I am EXTREMELY open about it.
But for some reason, I felt as though I were a little kid again,
ashamed, scared, embarrassed.
I froze up, my lip began to quiver, my heart raced and I couldn't catch my breath.
Tears streaming down my cheeks.
Really? Wow.
It crept slowly through my lips,
that ugly name that burns my tongue.
cystic fibrosis.
I hate this damn disease.
I miss emily haager.
I love to surf.
and THAT is all.



Posted on 9/11/2010 03:35:00 PM In: , , , ,
Hey guys.
Yeah, I know. Its been over a month that I've written a post.
I'm so LAME. Sorry :(.

So many things have happened, that I'm only going to update recently. I started school sep. 1st as a sophomore in high school. In english 2 honors and world history honors, the homework load is ridiculous. So, that's a little excuse as to why I haven't written :).

Anyways, I wanted to share an essay I wrote this week for English. Our assignment was to write a paper on a choice we made that changed our life. It's not the best thing I've written, but I'll share it anyways :

Carly Lindmeier
Ms. Brunasso
English 2H
9 September 2010

Being Me

Every day, people make choices. What to eat? What to wear? What to watch? These choices make up our day, and they create the type of person we become. While these minuscule selections mean nothing in the long run, there are certain choices that stick with you for the rest of your life. These important choices change you, mold you into a different type of person, whether it be physically, mentally, spiritually, or a combination of the three. My life-altering choice was made in the fifth grade. But, before getting to it, it is crucial that I share some background information about myself.

At the delicate age of three months, the doctors told my parents I was born with cystic fibrosis, a
genetic condition that alters the function of the pancreas, the digestive system, and mostly, the lungs. Ever since that fateful day, I have spent countless hours managing my health. I take handfuls of pills daily, and spend at least an hour every day inhaling nebulized medication to minimize lung infections. Whether I like it or not, cystic fibrosis is my life. But, in the fifth grade, I made the decision to not let CF define who I am.

For almost all of my elementary school years, I was embarrassed about my health. I didn’t want people to know why I was absent for doctor’s appointments, why I needed to take pills before lunch, or why I had an IV line in my arm when I had lung infections. I told only my closest friends; even then, the process made me scared out of my wits. My heart would race, and the same, generic words, “I have cystic fibrosis”, would stutter out through my lips. Cystic fibrosis was, to me, a huge secret.

It was the time of the year for the human body unit in fifth grade. Each student in my class of ten-year-old peers were required to chose an organ in the body for which they would research and write a report about. I chose the lungs, for obvious reasons. The date our reports were due, everybody was expected to be prepared for a mandatory presentation of just one section of their report. As my peers went up and presented, my name was nearing closer and closer on the teacher’s alphabetical list of kids. I took the time I had left, and considered which part of my report to present; should I tell about the main functions of the lungs, or should I explain how they worked? It then occurred to me: my introduction to my report explained why exactly I chose the lungs, which disclosed the fact that I have cystic fibrosis. Choosing to read my intro to the class would be a perfect opportunity to explain my condition to everyone, and it would make me less fearful in future circumstances.

My name was called, and I apprehensively got up from my seat and walked to the front of the room. I had maybe ten seconds to decide what part of my report I would read, and in the last split second, I chose to read my introduction and reveal exactly why I chose to use the lungs as my organ. I read and stuttered nervously, and my legs felt like they would give in at any moment. I felt awkward enunciating “cystic fibrosis” in front of everybody, because of the personal secrecy of the term. When I finished, my teacher, who was fully aware of my situation, complimented me on my bravery. It was, from that day on, that I made the life changing decision to embrace my condition.

Today, it is clear that I am not afraid to tell the world that I have cystic fibrosis. In fact, if it weren’t for that choice I made, this paper would not be written right now. CF is a huge part of my life, but I don’t use it as a crutch. I embrace the fact, and spread awareness so one day, a cure can be found. By doing this, I feel like I am giving back to the charities and foundations that are trying to make this happen for me and many others in my situation. This is thanks to the decision I made back in fifth grade, the decision that changed my life forever.